Interveiw with the vampire
by xFinnickthePervx
Summary: I know, this idea has been done tones of times but I wanted to give it ago. Each Cullen and Bella and anymore you ask for is interveiwed with questions. Enjoy! BTW, terrible at summaries, rated T just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I do not own twilight.**

**AN: Guys, before I start I would appreciate if you could review to give me some questions you would like asked from the twilight characters. Funny ones would be appreciated.**

**Who I will interview first will be a surprise.**

**I will update as soon as I have some good questions.**

**See yah guys! **

**I promise I will have it as soon as possible.**

**Please give me some idea of questions.**

***************

**Luv **

**Ally**


	2. Heroes, rumours and Watchmen

**Hi guys! May the game begin. I was thinking of putting me as the host but that would be weird so I made up Mary-ann.**

**Say hello Mary-ann!**

**Mary-ann: Hi!**

**Excellent.**

**Now, be nice to Mary and have fun with my first chapter of.... (Drum roll)........ Interview with the vampire!**

**Special thanks to 'omgbubbles' and 'twilightluver9'.**

**You guys are so hardcore. Thanks for your questions and thanks for all the support 'twilightluver9'. **

**I was thinking about doing one character at the time but then again it is total madness with the whole clan so here you go. The layout idea is from 'twilightluver9'. Thanks again! You are so awesome!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine, and never will be.**

*************************************

(Questions 1 to 2 is my own)

(Sorry, I couldn't use your questions guys. I'll do them next chapter.)

........................

All the Cullen's and Bella come in a sit down in the circle of blue office chairs.

Mary- Hey Guys. Awesome for you all to be here today.

Carlisle- Hi Mary.

Mary- Let's start with the first question.

Latest rumour you've heard?

Edward- Jacob has rabies.

Bella- Edward!

Emmett- If a guy's hands are big so is his d-

Esme- Emmet, that isn't appropriate.

Jasper- Now I have proof! (holds up hands)

Bella- Yeah, they are big.

Edward- _Bella._

Jasper & Emmett high five.

Emmett- Ed, show us your hands.

Edward- No. (hides hands behind back)

Emmett- Ha, ha, it is true!

Edward- Shut up!

Rosalie- Ew! That means Jacob has a big-

Alice- Rosalie!

Emmett Bursts into tears.

Emmett- That means king bob has a tiny wiener!

(Holds up a picture of King Bob Emmet's creation, his drawing, who in fact has tiny hands.)

Alice- That doesn't make sense, in 'Watchmen' the blue guy was walking around naked all the time. But he had a, eh, tiny....

Edward- You went and saw 'Watchmen'?

Alice- Yup, me and Jaz.

Everyone except Alice and Jasper Snicker.

Jasper looks embarrassed.

Alice- I quite liked it. A tab strange. But there was an interesting sex scene.

Everyone except Jasper and Alice groan.

Alice- But we didn't see the end. Becuase we got in the mood from the-

Carlisle- That's enough Alice, you're going off track.

Alice- Sorry.

Rosalie- Alice that was a movie. Emmet has big hands and a big-

Esme- Rosalie.

Emmett- I'll prove it.

Starts to unbuckle pants.

Carlisle- Emmett, stop!

Jasper and Rosalie jump up and stop him.

Alice- Bella, Edward he has tiny hands,

Edward- They're not tiny!

Alice- Anyway, does Edward have a big....

Esme and Carlisle glare at Alice.

Everyone stares at Bella who looking wide eyed.

Bella- Uh, I haven't seen it.

Everyone burst out laughing except Bella and Edward.

Mary- Uh, we'll move onto the next question.

................................

Who's Your Hero?

Bella- Edward.

Rosalie- Blondie.

Jasper- The spice girls.

Emmett- Japer, she said hero not HEROS! Plus, the Spice Girls are dumb.

Alice- GASP! What did you say?!

Emmett- The Spice Girls are dumb.

Alice leaps onto Emmett, pushing him off the chair and starts punching him.

Jasper gets up and pulls of Alice and puts her back on her seat.

Jasper- Fine then Emmett. My _HERO_ is Victoria Posh.

Bella- Victoria? Where?! (Hides behind Edward)

Emmett, after getting up falls to the ground roaring with laughter.

Emmett- Posh? She's your hero?!

Jasper- Well who's your hero butt wipe?!

Emmett stops laughing and says casually, "Captain Crunch."

Edward laughs.

Edward- What's yours Rosalie? 'Count Chocula'?

Rosalie- I already said Blondie ranga.

Edward- What did you call me?

Rosalie leans closer and says clearly, "Ranga."

Edward looks like he was ready to kill.

Carlisle- Rosalie, Stop! Edward no.

Emmett- I'll handle this.

He got up, scrunched his sleeves up and did something no one had ever done. He sat on Edward.

Bella- Edward!

Carlisle, Alice, Jasper and Esme got up and shoved Emmett off Edward who looked like he was going to be sick.

Mary- Uh, Alice, who is your hero?

Alice- My hero is Jasper, obviously. But behind him is Johnny Depp.

Jasper- What?

Emmett (still laying on the floor, lifts his head up)- I don't see Johnny Depp behind you.

Alice rolls her eyes.

Carlisle- My hero is McDreamy, he really shows people there is sexy doctors out there.

Emmett- Who's McCreamy?

Mary- Edward, Esme, your heroes?

Esme- Lady GaGa.

Everyone's mouths fell open.

Even Emmett's whose face was flat on the ground.

Mary- Edward yours?

Edward- Spunk Ransom.

Everyone stared at Edward in a weird way.

Alice- who?

******************

Da, da!!

My first official chapter, sorta.

Anyway, did you get it, how Alice's hero is Johnny Depp, and if you think about it, Jasper looks like Johnny Depp. Well, that's what I think.

At the moment, you guys don't have to send in any questions, I've already got tones I thought of and some from reviews.

Speaking of reviews, I command you to review and if you do so, you get a one way ticket to making me happy!!

YAY!

And I know this AN is already getting very long but do you think they drag on with the questions? Do you think they should just bloody answer it?! And do you want Jacob and Charlie to come over and get interviewed too?

BYE!! ILY U ALL!!

~Ally~

xoxo

P.S. I am really peed off cause I thought of something funny for next chapter and just forgot it. :(

P.S.S Happy Easter to all Aussies out there, well it kind of depends on what state you live in but for me, Easters tomorrow! YAY! And to you all non-Aussies too! Happy Easter! Review and you get an imaginary chocolate Easter egg from me!


	3. Crushes, twilight, and many more!

Hi guys, sorry it took me ages to update.

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, if I did there would be a 5th book and I'd be writing the 6th now instead of this.

****************

Mary- Hey Guys!

All the Cullen's take a seat in the circle of office chairs.

All- (In dull, voices) Hi Mary.

Mary- Very musical.

Alice and Jasper exchange looks.

Mary- Guys we have a little competition going on. We need a theme to play when the show starts so whoever suggests the best answer will get a signed twilight poster, signed by Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.

Alice- What's Twilight?

Jasper- Oh, it's this new movie. I don't know what it's about.

Edward- OMG!!! Robert Pattinson! He's my hero!!!

Everyone stares at Edward as it goes silent.

Emmett- Oh, Spunk ransom....

Edward- Yeah!

Bella- Has anyone here actually seen Twilight?

All (including mary)- No.

Bella- I did. It had a big coincidence about it.

All- How?

Bella- Well it's about this girl called Bella and a guy, he's like a ghost... or, no, yeah a vampire and they fall in love.

Emmett- Meh, sounds like crap.

Alice- Well, the other day. We were all driving to school and we were swamped by these girls screaming our names and they have pictures of Edward.

Rosalie- Yeah! They jumped on our cars. Emmett ran over some.

Esme- Emmett! You ran over innocent people?

Emmett- They were trying to grab Edward's hair!

Esme- No Emmett. Your grounded for a month.

Emmett- Damn. *pouts*

Mary- Anyway, suggestions for the theme song?

Jasper- Peanut Butter Jelly Time by the buckwheat Boyz.

Mary- Anymore?

Carlisle- Wherever You Will Go by The Calling.

Mary- Good one Carlise.

Rosalie- Diva by Beyonce!

Alice- Rig-

Edward- Right Round!

Mary- That's awesome!

Alice- Edward you stole my idea. You read my mind.

Mary- I think that will work. Good one Edward.

(Hands poster to Edward)

Alice- What?!

Mary- Congratulations Edward.

Edward- Woot!

(Edward hugs Bella)

Mary- Well, we better start with our first question.

(from twilightluver9) What is the craziest thing that a fan girl has done to you?

Jasper- Well Mandy, we already answered that.

Mary- It's Mary.

Jasper looks embarrassed.

Alice- Yeah. They had signs saying 'I love Edward'.

Emmett- and T-shirts with our faces on them.

Bella- And they leaped onto us and the cars swerved and everything and we crashed into the police station.

Emmett- Then Mr. Charlie came out and was all 'Ruh Roh'.

Bella- *glares*

Alice- And We ran in and got some flare guns and shot them at the girls.

Jasper- And the Swat team came and tried to tackle us.

Emmett- But I sat on them.

Edward- that brings back memories (cringes).

Rosalie- And they were all 'We love you' and started grabbing at our clothes.

Alice- and Edward was screaming.

Everyone goes silent.

Edward- why am I always picked on?

Carlisle and Esme are staring at there children horrified.

Esme- You will apologise to those girls!

Alice- But there all in Jail.

Goes silent again.

Mary- We'll move on now.

(from twilightluver9) What kinds of things do you do as a family?

Carlisle- Well, before Bella goes home we all have a reflection on what good things happened.

Esme- and what we could improve on.

Emmett- I's a little meeting thingie on the lounge room floor.

Alice- yeah, a two and a half reflection.*groans*

Emmett- There's snacks for Bella.

Edward- That Emmett steals and eats.

Emmett- Hey! I don't have anything against dirt.

Jasper- On Thursdays we do bingo and twister.

Esme- Sometimes Alice and Edward can't play because of their gifts.

Emmett- And Mondays are scrabble night!

Carlisle- And Fridays and Saturdays is Karaoke and Monopoly night.

Emmett- It's so boring cause they only have old boring songs. *slumps onto chair*

Alice- Yeah, and Carlisle and Esme always play it.

Carlisle- I tell you, we do have quite the moves.

Carlisle and Esme laugh.

Rosalie- Next question!

(from twilightluver9) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Alice- I wish I wasn't so small.

Jasper- I wish my hair wasn't so fuzzy.

Emmett- Sometimes I wish I wasn't so bulky because Jasper and Eddiepuess get jealous.

Edward- *rolls eyes*

Bella- I wish I was a vampire.

Carlisle- I would change the fact that I could sing. I tried to sing 'breathe me' by Sia but it just didn't work out.

Esme- I wish I could have a child. But I already have such a wonderful family.

Edward- I would change that I don't run like a goat.

Everyone turns to Rosalie.

Rosalie- I wouldn't change anything about myself.

Edward- God no!

Bella- Edward, what is it?

Edward- She... she is singing perfect by mason vs. superstar princess in her head....again.

Alice- I love that song! '1, 2, 3, 4, let me here you scream if you want some more, like, uuuuhhhh! Push it, push it, watch me work it, I'm perfect!'

Edward- Rose! It was bad enough when Jasper was singing it in his head but I... I can't take

it!

Mary- I.. I think we'll have a break now.

AFTER THE BREAK

Mary- Hello! Everyone and welcome to my butt looks cute wit- Emmett! You changed my cue cards!

Alice smacks forehead.

Mary- Uh, we will just go to the next question.

(from twilightluver9) What is your favourite movie?

Jasper- OMG! Van helsing! That movie kicks-ass!

Alice- Yeah, that movie is awesome! Man, that Dracula, he's hot! My favourite movie is definitely 'the notebook'. Or 'watchmen.' I haven't decided.

Everyone except Jasper and Emmett who is staring at Rosalie's chest, rolled there eyes.

Emmett (who is still staring at Rosalie's chest)- Hmm... It's a tie between Stick it, Super bad and the Jungle Book.

Bella- My favourite is Juno, or Romeo and Juliette or Notebook, like Alice.

Carlisle- (shouts) Titanic!

Esme- Baby Mama or 27 dresses.

Rosalie- Mean girls.

Edward- Uh, mine is Harry potter 4, I don't know why.

Mary- Before we finish up with the last two we have a few guests.

The doors open to reveal Jacob and Charlie.

All the Cullen's mouths fall open.

The crowd goes wild as Jacob and Charlie take a seat around the circle. Jacob sits next to Jasper who shifts uncomfortably to the edge of his seat. Charlie sits next to Esme staring at Bella and Edward angrily.

Mary- Hey Jacob and Charlie.

Jacob- Hi Mary.

Charlie- hello.

Mary- We will now do our last two questions!

(from omgbubbles) Where you ever in love with someone other than the person you are with now?

Everyone goes quiet.

Alice- Well, there was Johnny Depp. But now I kind of think that guy from twilight is hot.

Bella- Alice, for the love of god. Do not say that.

Jasper- Well there was someone, and there was this girl, her name was Kylie, but that was just a fling.

Rosalie- When we first came to Forks I kind of thought Mike Newton was cute.

Everyone (even Charlie) bursts out laughing.

Rosalie glares and gets up and starts to walk out.

Alice- Let her go Emmett.

Emmett stares at Rosalie nervously.

Emmett- Aww, poor Rosie.

Bella- Umm... I had a thing for the book character Romeo from Romeo and Juliette.

Carlise- Shakira.

Esme- Tom Welling. He has very nice hair.

Jacob- Well, before I fell in love with a girl. (staring at bella) I liked.... Uh... Don't worry.

Emmett- I love the Tyra Banks.

Charlie- What is your not with anyone?

Carlisle goes to pat him on the back but hesitates and doesn't.

Mary- do you have a crush on anyone Charlie?

Charlie- Uh, Delta Goodrem.

Edward snickers.

Mary- Edward, what about you?

Everyone leans in.

Edward- Kristen Stewart.

Bella- What?!

Last question (from omgbubbles)

Mary- Now Cullen's, Bella, Charlie and Jacob. Who would you turn gay for?

Jasper- I'll go first. I would turn gay for Ben Stiller.

Alice- Eww.

Jasper looks ashamed.

Alice- Sorry Honey.

Emmett- I would turn gay for Captain Crunch.

Everyone stares at Emmett weirdly.

Alice- I would turn gay for Taylor Swift.

Edward laughs.

Bella- I'd turn gay for Alice.

Everyone goes silent.

Alice stares at Bella horrified.

Carlisle- McDreamy.

Esme- Nelly Furtardo.

Edward- I would turn gay for (whispers into Mary's ear)

Mary- Oh, okay then.. wow, really? Well, keep going.

Charlie- I'd turn gay for Shaggy.

Emmett- I'm with you on that one Charlie. Shaggy is awesome! 'Mr. Boombastic, blabby fantastic, tap me on the butt she says ah mr roooooo'.

Charlie glares at Emmett.

Charlie- You still owe money for the police stattion.

Emmett- Uh....

Jacob- I would turn gay for Joe Jonas! (smiles proudly)

Everyone goes silent again.

Edward bursts out laughing.

Jacob- Well what's your leech?

Charlie- Why did you call him leech?

All the Cullen's stare in shock.

Edward- Uh, I'd turn gay for.....

****************

Phew. Guys I am so tired. And there's only three days left of the holidays then I have to go back to High school. :(

Thanks to twilightluver9 and omgbubbles for your questions. No need to send any more questions in, I've got lots.

Anyways, Guys I am having this little thing that if you want to be in the audience for the next chapter and shout out something then review and tell me what you want to say. Nothing silly. And I'll put you in but I'll only pick some, not all.

And I need 10 new reviews if you want to know who Edward would turn gay for next chapter. Sorry guys buts that how it will work.

Bye guys (yawn). I need to go now, luv u!!

Ally.

P.S!! OOOMMMG!!! 6 DAYS TILL TWILIGHT COMES OUT ON D.V.D!! YAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYYAYAYAYYAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	4. Stupid questions, and whole lotta random

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. School has been hard.

No one really entered the audience contest but I got cool reviews. And yes, we we'll pick up from the gay part... just after intro. (That's right, there's an intro!)

Disclamer: Pft. I wish.

*************

(Right Round by Florida starts to play)

"_You spin my head right round, right round when you go down, when you go down, down._

_You spin my head right round, right round when you go down when you go down, down...."_

(Music fades to a close)

Mary- hey Guys! Time for our next interview on..... INERVEIW OF THE CENTURY! Where we do awsemost interviews. By the way, Interview of the century is the name of the show... In case you're wondering.

Mary- anyway, I give you..... THE CULLENS!!!

The Cullen's walk on, Edward looks nervous, Carlisle is staring at the ceiling, Esme has no expression, Rosalie... well, she's back, Alice is smiling, Jacob looks angry, Bella looks.... scared, Emmett is sniffing Rosalie's shoulder and Charlie is stroking his moustache, and Jasper looks grumpy with his arms folded.

Mary (smiling brightly) - hey guys! Excited about another interview?!

No one answers.

Jacob- Mary I have a question.

Mary- Sure Jake, shoot.

Jacob pulls out a pair of glasses from his pocket, puts them on, he pouts his bottom lip and pulls out a bit of paper.

Jacob- Mary, why the hell did you say 'we give you the Cullen's'? Do we look like Cullen's? (Points at Charlie who is stroking his moustache)

Mary- uh, Sorry Jake, we will fix it up.

Jacob- Bella ain't a Cullen. (Grabs Bella from Edward and holds her up, she looks really scare) She was born a Swan and will die a Swan!

Mary- Jacob, maybe you should put Bella down.

Jacob- Humph. (Puts Bella down who scurries off into Edward's arms)

Mary- Umm, Jake what's with the glasses.

Jacob- They make me look like Spiderman.

Everyone goes silent.

Mary- We'll.... move on.

What is-

Emmett- WAIT!!

Mary- What?

Emmett- Edward, who would you turn gay for?

All-Yeah.

Edward shifts eyes nervously.

Edward- Umm.... I am not sure if you've heard of him.

Alice- Just spit it out! For the others! Since, I know what you're gonna say. *snickers*

Edward- Well (twiddles thumbs) his name is Taylor Launter. You've probably never heard of him, you know, not familiar with his work, but he was in that twilight movie.... I forgot who he played, I can't remember the name.

Jacob- Taylor Launter....

Edward- Yeah...

Mary- here's a picture of him.

A picture of Taylor Lautner comes up on the plasmas they have around the studio.

Alice- Hmmm..... he looks familiar.

Bella- Yeah.

Jasper- I can't put my tongue on it.

Jacob looks kinda shocked.

Jasper- Very familiar.

Charlie- It's like we've met him before....

Emmett- OMG! I just realized something.

All- WHAT?

Emmett-..... Oh... I forgot.

Mary- Uh, we will do question one now.

What's bugging you at the moment?

Emmett- How I have to pay money to the stupid police station because mr. Charlie is stupid! *pouts*

Charlie- It's is police chief swan thank you very much. (still stroking moustache)

Emmett- Aw, that's okay.

Mary- Charlie, what about you?

Charlie- Well, there is a couple of things Susie.

Mary- It's mary.

Charlie- 1. Macho man over there and his group owe me three thousand dollars. 2. Delta Goodrem isn't coming too forks. 3. I just ran out of biscuits 4. I still don't know why Jacob here called Edward a leech!

Jacob- Charlie calm down.

Rosalie- WAIT!

Rosalie gets up and runs over to Jacob, she looks closely at his hands and then recoil in horror.

Rosalie- MY GOD! They _ARE _big!

Edward- Charlie, it was a simple misunderstanding. Jacob was meant to call me.....

Jasper- A Reech!

Charlie- what's a 'reech'?

Alice- It's a bird from Australia that is pale white feathers and has red on top of its head.

Jasper- Yes, it makes a sound like "NNnnnnneeeeyyyyyyiiiiiaoooooooooooooaaaaa."

Bella- Yes, but it is best known as the 'nama nama' bird.

Charlie- I have never heard of it.

Jasper- Because it is becoming extinct.

Charlie- Where's it located.

Mary- Uh, we're kinda going off track.

Esme- I agree with Leah.

Mary- It's Mary.

Esme- Sorry.

Carlisle- Right, well the thing most bugging me is global warming. Very confusing.

Esme- Yes, the annoying thing at the moment is how our children seem to be out of control.

Alice- I think that the most annoying thing ever is this stupid Twilight. People get so obsessed with a book and movie that isn't even real. It is so pathetic. And the characters are so unrealistic.

Oh, and how Bella has no sense of fashion.

Jasper- The thing bugging me is why Emmett is stroking an imaginary goatee.

Everyone turns to Emmett who is imitating Charlie.

Charlie shoots a threatening look at Emmett.

Rosalie- Idiot.

Mary- Uh, guys, we will just move on now.

Tis the season to- finish the sentence?

Edward- To be happy.

Alice- That's boring. I prefer "Tis the season to go shopping! La la laa laa laa, fa laa laa laaaaaaa!" *glares and smiles evilly at Bella*

Jasper- Tis the season to go hunting!

Rosalie- tis the season to stop asking stupid questions.

Esme- Rosalie! That is very rude. Apologize to Sarah.

Mary- *rolls eyes*

Emmett- Tis the season to get sloppy!

Carlise- Tis the season to have a good meal.

Esme- tis the season to love eachother.

Bella- Tis the season to (whisperes to Edward) become a vampire.

Charlie- Tis the season to pay for the damage to the police station.

Jacob- Tis the season to get la-id!!

All of a sudden it goes completely silent.

Somewhere in the distance a cricket can be heard chirping.

Rosalie- Ew.

Mary- Um.... next question......

What will you be doing tonight?

Alice- Jasper.

Rosalie- We really wanted to know that.

Jasper- Well, I was planning to go to the grocery store....

Alice glares at Jasper.

Bella- I will be with Edward tonight.

Charlie- You will, will you?

Edward- Tonight I will take Bella off to the mystical land of Seattle.

Bella- Seattle?

Edward- That's right my love.

Charlie glares.

Jacob- Tonight I will be all alone.... in my room.... snuggled up in my blankey, staring at the ceiling, without anyone to lo-

Emmett- Tonight me and Rose will be playing on Edward's piano!!

Rosalie- Emmett, that was supposed to be secret!

Edward- GASP!! You will be doing WHAT?!

Carlisle- Well, there's a game on tonight....

Esme- Me and Carlisle will just rest and read together.

Mary- Guys, I think we will finish up there. Thanks for coming and we will see you next show.

Jasper- We will?!

***************

Okay, done and done!

Next chapter soon, as long as you guys review!

Love you.

Ally.


	5. Jonas Brothers, red bull and just random

I am so sorry! I will try and update more often! Ily you all!

Disclaimer: Well, I own Mary. She's locked up in my bedroom. Yeah. She really likes cupcakes. But I don't own the Cullen's or anything to do with twilight in that matter.

********

(Right Round by Florida starts to play)

"_You spin my head right round, right round when you go down, when you go down, down._

_You spin my head right round, right round when you go down when you go down, down...."_

(Music fades to a close)

Mary- Welcome to another episode of Interview of the century! Please welcome....THE CULLEN'S!! And Jacob, Charlie and Bella.

They all come out and sit down in the circle of chairs.

Mary- How does it feel to be back?

No one replies.

Someone in the audience coughs.

Alice- Can we just do the first question now?

Last thing you brought?

Bella- I went to the grocery store and got some dog biscuits for the neighbour's dog, but they disappeared, they were in the back of my truck.

Jacob looks around suspiciously and sinks into chair.

Edward- I bought my Bella a beautiful present.

Bella- Oh I love you Edward.

Rosalie imitates throwing up.

Jasper- Well, I bought the new issue of 'arts and crafts for the daft'.

Alice- Why did you do that?

Jasper- Uh, no reason.

Emmett- I got some blood condoms down at the post office.

Goes completely silent.

Charlie- YOU WHAT?! Blood condoms?! Are you sick or are-

Jacob- Charlie calm down.

Rosalie gets up and leads Emmett out of the studio.

Alice- Uh sorry Charlie. Emmett is just having one of his anxiety breakdowns. One of the symptoms is being a complete nut head and saying stupid stuff.

Charlie- Oh, okay.

Jacob- Last thing I bought was a new jacket, it's brown, and it smells like ro-

Alice- Last thing I bought was...... RED BULL!!

Alice gets up and starts dancing around.

Shout out from TwilightBabeh09: Alice you rule!

Alice- OMG!

Alice whips over to the audience and jumps on TwilightBabeh09.

Bella- Someone get her off!

Esme- Last time she jumped on someone was the guy who delivers the milk to the grocery store.

Jasper and Edward run over to Alice and pull her off TwilightBabeh09. But she is kinda holding on.

Carlisle falls to the ground dramatically.

Carlisle- GOD NO! We will have to saw Alice's arms off no!!!!

Edward- Eh, Carlisle.

The boys are already back and are holding up Alice who is all starry eyed and is licking her own nose.

Carlisle- Oh, my mistake.

He gets up and sits back on her chair.

Esme- The Last thing I bought was a nice new yellow sponge.

Emmett and Rosalie come back out.

They stand up in front of everyone.

Rosalie Nudges Emmett.

Emmett- Oh.. ah, sorry everyone. I had a break down because..... I miss my yellow rubber ducky.

Shout out from TwilightBabeh09: Emmett I love you!

A big grin appears on Emmett's face.

Emmett- Wow. Told you Rose that someday some stranger will tell me they love me.

Rosalie rolls eyes.

Emmett walks over to TwilightBabeh09 and gives her a big bear hug.

TwilightBabeh09: *SQEUAL!!!*

Emmett goes back and sits down with the others still smiling.

Alice- Next question please.

Which that 70's show character most resembles you?

Jasper- Hyde. Cause I am cool and I have the hair.

Alice- Hmmm.... Maybe Jackie because of the fashion sense.

Rosalie- Alice, I want to be Jackie!!

Emmett- I'll be....

All- Kelso.

Emmett- Hey!

Edward- I guess that makes me Eric.

Bella- Then I'll be Donna.

Esme- Kitty.

Carlisle- Hey, I am nothing like red! One. I am not bald. 2. I am not grouchy.

Mary- Well, Carlisle. I think because your the father figure you should be red.

Rosalie- Next question please!

Milkshakes, do you like them?

Emmett- Oh yeah!! *gets up and starts dancing* my milkshake brings all the boys to the town! There life is better than yours, damn right, is better than yours!

Alice- I haven't had a milkshake in a long time. But I always loved strawberry flavour!!

Bella- I love them!! Peppermint is always good!

Edward- Milkshakes were never my thing.

Emmett stops dancing and looks torn and hurt at Edward.

Jasper- Every Sunday I would have a milkshake with strawberries and fruit. Very nice. Always made me happy.

Rosalie- Well, when you say milkshake, yes, I do like them.

Carlisle- Oh god, I miss milkshakes!!

Charlie- Eh?

Carlisle- Umm....

Bella- Sometimes we forget he's there.

Mary- Guys, we have time for ONE more question!

What can't you live without? By xXxSour-LemonsxXx

Mary- And let's make this clear. Other than your partners.

Jasper- Hmm... my hot rollers. Look how nice my hair is at the back to day.

Alice- *patting Jasper's hair*

Jasper- Alice! Don't mess it up!!!!!!

Rosalie-I cannot live without my magazine collection.

Emmett- You mean the ones under you bed.

Rosalie- Yeah, why?

Emmett pulls out a piece of paper form his pocket.

Emmett- I cut out all our heads and put them on models I cut out. Look ! Your there.

Charlie- Hey yeah.

Jacob- am I there?

Bella- Uh.... Emmett maybe you shouldn't have done that.

Everyone turns to Rosalie who has gone red and his snorting furiously.

Rosalie- You idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rosalie leaps on to Emmett.

Emmett- Whoo!! Joy ride!

Bella- The thing I can't live without *talking louder over the vicious fighting/making out behind her* is my CD edward gave me.

Jacob slumps into chair.

Bella- Oh, Jake, yours was cool too! I mean. It was a bit strange with all the bbbbrrrrrrrriiickkkkaaa noises you made while you played the triangle and singing 'bella, I love you, be my soulmate, let me imprint, i hate Edward, maybe i should keep watching days of our lives,' those kinda things you kept saying over and over.

Edward snickers.

Alice- I can't live without my Porsche. Matter of fact I don't even though how I lived before I got it.

Emmett- *Yells while Rosalie is biting him* I can't live without my pirate outfit. Agh me harties!

Jasper- That was weird.

Emmett- And I can't live without that girl in the audience! She loves me more than rose does. Gasp! Maybe we should get married!

TwilightBabeh09- o.m.g

Carlisle- I can't live without my Mercedes, with the tinted windows and all, makes me look hot and swish!

Esme- I can't live without my Taylor Swift CD, she is really good.

Jasper- OMG!! TAYLOR SWIFT!!!! *SCREAM*

Goes completely silent. Rosalie and Emmett have stopped fighting and are sitting still staring at Jasper as if he's crazy.

Jasper- So what? Edward as listening to the Jonas Brothers.

Jacob- Jonas brothers!!!!!! WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Mary- Well, there we have it folks. Next time we will introduce the Cullen's to some special people-

Jacob-and me, Bella and charlie.

Mary- Oh sorry. Anyway. Tune in for next time on 'interview of the century!!!'

*******

Phew! Done!

Review! And anymore shout outs if you want to be in the audience just like TwilightBabeh09! Thanks!

:)

Also special thanks to xXxSour-LemonxXx for your questions! Tahnks!

Anymore questions you guys want answered send them in! :D

Love Ally.


	6. Curtains, surprise and tornados!

New chapter! Hope it gives you all some laughs!

Disclaimer: Twilight does not belong to me but I have Paramore crammed in my shelves. Hayley is really nice, she hasn't tried to escape yet. :)

*************

(Right Round by Florida starts to play)

"_You spin my head right round, right round when you go down, when you go down, down._

_You spin my head right round, right round when you go down when you go down, down...."_

(Music fades to a close)

Mary- Hey guys! Are you prepared for another interview?

Audience- YEAH!!

Mary- Rightio!! Bring them in!

All the cullens Jake and Bella come in, and they don't look happy.

Emmett- Another fricken' interview.

Rosalie- Show should be axed.

Mary- Take a seat you guys.

They all sit in their chairs.

Mary- we have three very important guests here today. Please welcome.....

Alice- GASP!

Edward- Are you really being serious?!

Welcome to the jungle starts playing and a frothy white substance hovers around the doors.

The doors open to reveal....

Rosalie- GASP! What?!

Carlisle- Oh no.

Esme- shoot. Bella, Jake and Charlie! Oh no! What will we do?

Jasper- Why is there a purple stain on the ceiling?

Edward jumps out of his chair and in front of Bella.

The rest of the Cullen's followed and jump in front of Jacob and Charlie.

Mary- Please welcome......... Laurent, Victoria, and James!!!!

The nomads are smiling as they wave at the screaming fans. Little do they know, they are screaming with fear.

The Cullen's snarl at the nomads but they come over take a seat and take some biscuits and coffee from the little tray in the middle of the chairs.

Laurent- Howdy homies, what's crackalakin?

The Cullen's stare with shock at the nomads, they're frightening snarling faces had disappeared. Poor Bella is as pale as Edward, stunned with fear.

Victoria dips her biscuit in the coffee and put the whole thing in her mouth.

Alice- Uhhh...

Alice was going to mention the whole thing about vampires can't eat human food but just remembered Charlie.

James- So, shall we start with the first question?

Mary- Ready guys?

The Cullen's just stare at the Nomads eating there biscuits. Laurent drops crumbs all over his top.

James- Damn! It just broke.

James stares glumly down at his pinched fingers were only half his biscuit remained.

Mary- First question!

If you were able to become a part of a book/film/ etc. Where would you go and why? From xXxSour-LemonsxXx

Alice- Maybe...... um...... I know! I would love to be Cinderella! Get sweeped off my feet by a handsome prince with fluffy hair.

Jasper- It's not fluffy! It's just incredibly soft, shiny, and as golden as corn.

James goes to touch it but decides not to.

Shout out from omgbubbles- Jasper! I love you and your hair.

Jasper smirks.

Alice's head whips towards the audience and snarls, gripping the arms of her chair that cause the material to rip.

Jasper- I am flattered. *Smiles happily*

James- Well Suze. I would love to be someone from gossip girl. Hey, I betcha I could be that guy from gossip girl. The one that gets all the chicks.

Victoria- You'd be great in gossip girl James.

James- Yes, and Victoria could be that girl in gossip girl. What's her name......

Rosalie- *rolls eyes* Blair?

James- That's the one.

Alice- Does that mean you're Nate? No way on god's earth will you be-

Mary- Off track!

Laurent- We apologize Miranda.

Mary- *grumple* It's fine....

James- And if I was.... Nate.... I would get all the chicks and have loads of coffee and biscuits and cruise around central park on my mountain bike and with a clown horn attached then I could honk it whenever a hobo gets in the way. But if i do run him over I will eat h-

Edward- How about some more biscuits?

James- Thanks!

James grabs a handful of biscuits and shoves them in his mouth.

Jasper- Weird.

Mary- What about you others?

Carlisle- I would be Moby dick. Get that giant ocean whale and-

Emmett- Fry him up!

Carlisle- Well, I was going to say-

Emmett- I would be Clifford the dog and Rose, you can be the little girl and pat me on the back and take me for walks.

Rosalie- Uh, sure Emmett.

Shout out from mapjap- Edward I love you!

Edward- *sigh* See what I meant about the whole fandom. Honestly it is insane. They all just throw themselves at me-

Shout out from jasper43julia97- Edward I don't care for you.

Edwards face goes blank.

Jacob laughs.

Jasper43julia97- I like you more than Edward.

Jacob grins.

Jasper43julia97- but I am not team Jacob.

Jacob's smile disappears.

Jasper43julia97- Alice, you are my 2nd favourite. Love your style.

Alice- 2nd favourite? But thanks.

Jasper43julia97- Emmett, you're my 3rd favourite. Please beat up some girls at my school.

Emmett- Sure thing. Give me names, address, phone numbers and I'll get back to you.

Alice- 3rd favourite? Then who is number 1?

Everyone turns to Rosalie who has a smug look on her face.

Rosalie- I always knew it was m-

Jasper43julia97- Your pretty. I am blonde too. With some black steaks because of blonde jokes.

*glares at Jacob*

Jacob- *sigh* I am having a rough day with the ladies today. First Bella kicked me out of her bathroom, Mary wasn't in the mood and now-

Goes silent.

Mary- Jake, that was supposed to be a secret.

Emmett- O.m.r. You two?

Jacob smiles and starts nodding. Mary goes red and shifts eyes suspiciously.

Alice- That is so sweet!

Rosalie- EWWW!!

Mary- Well, he's a good kisser....

Bella is turning purple.

Bella- You. Have. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

Edward- Bella love. Why does it matter to you?

Bella- *gulp* it doesn't....

Charlie is just staring at the red curtain near their chairs examining the stitching detail.

Mary- Well, lately Jacob is the only one getting my name right.

Jacob- That's not true Jane, there was one time near the start of the show, I called you Mary for some reason.

Mary rubs her forehead in a stressed way.

James- And then Laurent can get his roller skates and we can go skiing in the lake and Victoria can have hippie hair, which means curlier then it is now and I can have purple Austin powers pants, luckily, they won't get stuck in the gears....

Rosalie- Wait, uh... crazy fan girl in the audience. Who is number 1?

Jasper43julia97- JASPER! OMJ!!! I'm your number 1 fan!!! You're my favourite! I hate people who call you emo. You're not emo! Bite me!

Jasper- People call me emo?

Everyone, including Mary, Jacob, Bella, the nomads, Charlie all the Cullen's (apart from jasper) the camera crew, stage manager, director, all the audience members; shift slightly, eyes move right to left, scratch heads, look away from jasper and clear throats.

Jasper-WWWWWWWWWHAGAAAAAAGGGGHGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jasper gets up, dry crying while loudly wailing and runs out of the studio and vampire speed. Charlie's attention is drawn back to the curtain.

Mary- Alice, would you mind?

Alice- Sure thing Mary, oh sorry, I mean Catherine.

Mary- Grrrrrrrr...

Alice gets up and walks out of the studio after Jasper.

Esme- Catherine, can we move on? This question is going nowhere.

Mary- Yep. Sure. Why not?

What is your favourite animal? From omgbubbles.

Edward- Mountain lion.

Bella- Lamb.

Laurent randomly goes "Baaahhh"

Bella looks at Laurent weirdly.

Emmett- Irritable grizzly.

James- I dressed up as a bear once, it was ages okay and this stupid kid got in the way and he pulled a thread from outfit. So I gave him one.

James darkly punches his own hand in a metaphoric way.

James- You know, he kind of looked like you.

*points at Emmett*

Rosalie- My favourite animal is the peacock. So pretty. You know, I haven't had peacock in ages.

Emmett- Hey rose. *nudges Rosalie while smiling with a eye-brow raised* Remember that time you dressed up as-

Edward- We DON'T wanna know!

Laurent- Favourite animal Sandra, would be the lire bird. *Laurent does a very high pitched girly laugh that raises some eyebrows* One time we went on a holiday to Australia and James was all "Yo, this place is bitchin'." And the bird said the exact same thing.... though I should mention it was near a group of young children.

James- I must say, this coffee sure is tasty. *picks up kettle and take a big swag of the hot water*

Charlie who is now focused on a weird scratch in the floor has not been listening or watching since the start of the show.

Victoria- My favourite tiger would be the animal.

James- *cracks a smile and tilts head* Nawww... Vicky has been drinking too much.... Hey! Who spiked the coffee?

Emmett bursts into laughter.

Edward- *sigh* there's your answer.

Victoria- Wah? *Gets up and staggers over to Edward* Oi, youla' dude too up with self him. You think your just sooooo pwerfect. Well let me tell yah something, BUD. You haven't even had SEX. Hahahaha. That's right. I said it. dwedward here is a lame ass virgin. Too up with himself about nothing. So what, you're a ranga. Join the club.

Laurent- Victoria. Please sit down.

Victoria- Meh! What was that? Yeah, we'll visit ya mom later.

James- Hey Vicky, come to papa!

Victoria- Me no wanna. You gotta catch me Jammes.

Victoria starts running around the chairs at top speed while James chaces her both giggiling. There running so fast a mini tornado has erupted in the middle of the chairs. The Cullen's, Bella and Jacob escape.

Paper is flying around and coffee is being thrown around everywhere.

The audience start to scream and take cover ducking under their chairs.

Mary- *from somewhere in the tornado* Jacob Help!!!

Jacob- *flicks head back dramatically* I am coming my dear. *flexes for added effect*

Jacob is about to step into the tornado until an office chair flies out and hits him in the head.

Emmett- I'll get her. *copies Jacob's movements*

Emmett disappears into the tornado.

Rosalie- Emmett!

Carlisle- He'll be fine Rosalie.

Esme- Do not worry dear.

After an intense five seconds Emmett returns holding Mary in his arm, walking Schwarzenegger style.

Mary- Thanks Emmett!

Jumps out of his arms and runs to Jacob who is lying twitching on the ground.

Bella- Holy crow! Emmett, Charlie's in there!

Emmett- I will get him Bella, do not fear.

Emmett steps back into the tornado.

Charlie- *somewhere in the tornado* Hey! Put me down macho man!

Emmett steps out with a squirming Charlie in his arms.

Charlie- I was doing something! Put me back.

Charlie jumps out of his arms and goes over to the curtain, the other side not enclosed in the tornado.

Laurent- Uh, guys.

Laurent is sitting on his chair with his cup of coffee and is floating around, hovering over the tornado, a bit like the wizard of oz style.

Jasper- I'm coming!!!!

Jasper flies through a window Tarzan style, clenching onto a rope.

He grabs Laurent as he flies past, leaving just the chair floating around.

Jasper lands onto a fan.

BassoonistSpex-Will you marry me?

Alice storms in from the back studio doors.

Alice- No he won't!

Alice grabs Jasper, who has leaves and twigs in his hair, off the fan leaving Laurent there.

Mary- Jacob! Wake up! Please! I love you....

*Mary starts to whimper*

Jacob eyes are shut and he is not breathing.

Edward- its okay Nikki, Jacob is in a better place. *snicker* Dog heaven.

Mary- Shut up 'Mr. I think I am top' shit! Shut the hell up!! He was awesome!!

Everyone is taken back and shocked by Mary's sudden outburst.

Victoria who is still running around- You go girl!

Emmett picks up a random stick on the ground, most likely had fallen off Jasper's head.

Emmett pokes Jacob.

Carlisle- NOOO!! The young child has left us!! May his blessed soul have a safe trip.

Esme- I don't think he's dead, his nostrils are flaring.

Jacob's eyes slowly flutter open.

The Cullen kids look a little disappointed at this.

Jacob- You... You... You love me?

Mary- I do Jake. I love you very much.

Alice- GASP!!

Jacob gets up and kneels to the ground.

Jacob- Dear Mary ann. Will you marry me?

Bella's mouth falls open.

The crowd has just noticed what is happening.

Half of them are screaming 'yes', the other half is yelling 'no', some in the middle are just saying 'what the hell just happened'?

Mary- Uh......

******

Here you go guys.

Review please! And shout outs. Any questions are welcomed.

Tell me if you think Mary should say yes, or no.

Sorry for some I couldn't get your questions in, I will use them.

Thanks to those who sent in questions and shout outs.

Hope you liked it.

Sorry for the cliffy, it's just I am suppose to be doing some important assignment. I have five!

Love you all!

~Ally~

xoxo


	7. CNN, Beef jerky & tooth picks with Zac!

(Right Round by Florida starts to play)

"_You spin my head right round, right round when you go down, when you go down, down._

_You spin my head right round, right round when you go down when you go down, down...."_

(Music fades to a close)

Alice *holding a microphone*- Hello Fewers. We have breaking news with you on the CNN. _**(AN: Get it? CNN? Cullen news network**_) But before we head over to that story we have Jasper with the weather forecast.

*Jasper comes into view a large map of forks with rain clouds stuck everywhere behind him* Jasper- Well Alice, today is a usual forks day, cloudy and glum. Locals were surprised as a tornado broke out and had destroyed the high school. We have that story with Emmett. Over to you Emm.

View suddenly changes to Emmett who is holding a microphone in front of a huge grey, cracked clump of plaster surrounded by police and fire trucks.

Emmett- Hey Jas. A huge tornado has broken out killing two teachers and injuring a garbage man. All the students fled leaving all completely safe. The garbage man is seriously hurt, maybe a few months in hospital but that's about it.

*back to Jasper* Jasper- And Emmett we've heard you have a witness.

Emmett- That's right Jas.

Paul comes up next to Emmett. Emmett- Hey Paul, could you tell us what you saw?

Paul- Sure Emmett. Me and my fellow friends here, Sam and Embry and we were coming out of the grocery store after buying our regular 6 pounds of beef jerky- uh.... I mean..... After finishing our 8 hour black belt karate lesson for the world champion ship....yeah.... when this tornado came out of the TV station with this chair hovering on top and it zipped right past us and went for the school.

Emmett- Paul, is there any suspicions you have?

Paul- Well, Emmett, I saw someone, he was looking through a window right before the tornado blasted through the wall.

Emmett- Paul, could you describe him?

Paul- Sure, pail guy, long black hair, looked like that guy from harry potter. Severus Snake.

Alice- Actually Paul. I believe you are thinking of Severus Snape.

Paul-Precisely.

*Suddenly the camera switches off*

Mary- Alice! What are you doing with the cameras? Get Jasper and Emmett back here!

Jasper, Alice and Emmett rush over to Mary.

Carlisle is examining Jacob who is sitting on a chair, he leans forward and lightly slaps him on the cheek.

The other Cullen's are checking out the hole were the tornado came out of.

James and Victoria are talking to someone in the audience.

Jacob- Mary, have you decided yet?

Mary looks frustrated and walks out.

Laurent- Guys, what will we do? How will we continue the show?

Esme- I don't know.

Edward- Well, Bella, may I escort you to the ice-cream store?

Bella- Of course Edward.

Edward and Bella leave arm in arm.

Most of the audience has left now only some remained.

Jacob- Well, I know someone who may be able to continue the show......

All- Who?

Jacob *points to the window*

Everyone turns to see someone peeking through the window. He quickly ducks.

Rosalie- Omg. Is that Aro?!

Aro- No.

Jasper- Get him!

Emmett and Japer bolt over to Aro who is squealing and had curled up in a ball.

Carlisle- What are you doing here?

Aro- Uh, well, i was bored, and Marcus had been in a bad mood, so i was thinking.....

Jasper- World domination?

Aro- Someone along the lines of that....

Emmett- Will you host the show?

Aro- Hmmm...

Carlisle- I don't think-

Aro- Sure thing! But we'll have to change the theme music.

************

(Hot Hot Hot by Arrow starts to play)

"_Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole, _

_Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole, _

_Feeling Hot Hot Hot. Feeling Hot Hot Hot. Feeling Hot Hot Hot. _

_Me mind on fire, me soul on fire, feeling hot hot hot. Party people, all around me, feeling hot hot hot. What to do, on a night like this? Music sweet, i can't resist. We need a party song. I found a mental jam. _

_So, let me rom-boom-boom-boom. _

_(music fades to a close)_

Aro- Hello everyone and welcome to..... INTERVEIW OF THE CENTURY!! (Whispers- omg... that is such a lame ass name.)

Aro- The best interview show of the century!!

Rosalie- Yeah. And my hotmail pass word is 'Cupcakes suck'

Esme- Rosalie.

Aro- Shall we go to the first question?

Jasper- Wait!!!

Aro- Eh?

Jasper- Can i bring my friend?

Alice- WHAT?!

Jasper- Well, she is really cool.

Aro- Yeah sure.

Jasper sits down a (short, tall medium) heighted girl with (black, blonde, red, brunette) hair and (whateve eyes). She is smiling happily.

Jasper- Guys, this is Rebecca.

Rebecca- Hey guys. I'm Jasper's new girlfr- err... friend. Yeah, friend

Emmett- Hey, I'm Emmett. Do you in fact have a permit to drink?

Rosalie- Don't scare the girl Emmett!

Rebecca- No I don't Em. Could you get me one? I fancy a vodka... And just for the record Rosalie, I think you're scarier then Mr Teddy b- err, I mean Emmett. Yeah, that's what I meant to call him.

Aro- Okay.... James, Vic. Get over here!

James and Victoria shake hands with the person they're talking too and join the Cullen's, Jacob, Charlie, Bella and Rebecca.

James- Sorry, we just made friends with the girl called Georgia. She says her dad's middle name is James so tonight I am going on Noogle to see if we're related.

Rebecca- Uh, don't you mean google?

James- What the hell is google?

Aro- Our first question is something Marcus thought of.

*smiles evilly* Question 1 *voice has changed to all deep and devil like.* What is your current ringtone.

Everyone flips out there phones and starts playing them.

Alice- Hmmm.... ( it's jasper saying the alphabet in a baby voice)

Emmett- Ohh yah!!! *Put his phone on the ground in the middle of the circle and starts dancing around it.* I'm a gummy bear! Yeah I'm a gummy bear! I'm a yummy something, something, something gummy bear.

Jasper- Ahahah! I still have this song! (Irreplaceable by Beyonce)

Edward- Uh... Jasper, why is your phone hot pink?

Jasper quickly hides it.

Jasper- I lost my other one.....

Bella- Our song by Taylor Swift! Yah!

Jacob- The tide is high but I'm holding on! I'm going to be your number one! I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that! Oh no!! Oh oh oh!

James- Jai HO! (Starts bobbing head)

Edward- What a feeling!!! Oooh yeah! Please believe it! Uh.... lalalallalalalalalal lalaaaa!

Rebecca- Pingu!! Penguins. Lovely. I might have to change it to Gummy Bear though - That's a great song! *Joins in with Emmett's dancing then falls over her own feet*

Laurent who pops out of nowhere.

Laurent –

Yo! Yo! Yo!

Allllllllll..... Yoooou....

Sucka MC's you got nothing on me. All my grace and my lines you can't touch Laurent V!

I'm a nomad. As nerd as a bird. But forget that you've heard I'm like James Bond the third.

Sh-sh-sh-shake it not stirred, I'm having a pour.

The V is silent when sneaking through the door.

And make love to the woman on the bathroom floor.

I don't play it like shaggy, they'll know it was me.

Cause next time they see her she'll be like OOHHH! LAURENT V!!!

*goes completely silent*

James- What the.....

Edward- I'm Blind!

Laurent sits down and examines Jasper's phone he's hidden in his pocket.

Jasper shifts away.

Victoria- Uh... Anyway. In case anyone wants to know I have Boom Boom Pow as my ringtone.

Rosalie- I have Beautiful, dirty, rich by Lady gaga as my ringtone.

Esme- Papparazi!

Carlisle- Would anyone be ashamed if they knew I had the screamo version of Just dance.

Everyone raises they're hand.

Carlisle- Okay, I won't say anything.

Jacob- Did we miss anyone?

Aro- Charlie, what's your ring tone?

Charlie pulls out a flash looking iphone out of his pocket.

Jacob- Holy mother of Ron Weasley. Is that an IPHONE?!

Alice- That's not just an iphone, that a Gold IPHONE!

Suddenly Believe again by Delta Goodrem starts playing.

It stops and Charlie casually slips the iphone back in his pocket.

Rebecca- APPLE!! That's soooo Twilight! Oh my Carlisle, I want an iPhone! Sorry. I'll just shut up now...

Jacob- hold on one tiny second.... Aro, what's your ringtone?

Aro takes out a blue flip phone out of his black robe and starts playing Love bug by Jonas Brothers.

Alice- Jonas Bros?

Rebecca- RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!! Speaking of running... marry me Jazz?

Jasper- Uh... Alice?

Alice- Yeah, sure. Wait. NO! I just saw your future child! IT HAS NO DRESS SENSE AT ALL! I FORBID IT!

Aro- Everyone, we will move on too....... Question 2!! And to announce it we have a special guest. Bring him in boys!!

Caius and Marcus bring in a tied up squirming figure, they remove the apple from his mouth and stand him up.

Emmett- ZAC EFRON!!!!!

Zaz Efron- Oh my Vanessa! Someone save me!

Aro- Now, now, Zac. We've been through this before last year at Jane's birthday party. Read the cue cards or we shave your head.

Zac- Okay, Okay.

Marcus lifts up cue card in front of Zac Efron's eyes.

Aro- Let me remind you, stutter and we jab you with a toothpick.

Zac Efron- Okay, um. Ow!!

Aro- Ehehehhehe! Sorry, please continue.

Zac Efron- Uh. Ho- AH! OWWW!

Aro- You is not allowed to say uh, or um. Understand?

Zac Efron- Uh- OW!

Aro- You said IT!

Zac efron- Sorry, okay, okay. Question 2, how often do you have a shower?

Aro- Good, take him away boys.

Jacob- NOOOO!!!!

Emmett- NOOOO!!!

James- NNOOOOOO!!! Wildcats! Wildcats!

James leaps up and jumps on Zac Efron.

Zac Efron- That's it! I've had enough.

Zac suddenly whips out a radio from his pocket.

Zac- Rasin Toast, do you come in? Order.

Radio- Coming in Hot Cross Bun. Order.

Zac- They've pushed it too far.

Zac glared at James who is standing on Zac who was tied up, lying on the floor.

Zac- Send in reinforcements.

Radio- But.... you mean...... plan c? Order.

Zac- The very one. Order.

Radio- But isn't that.... order.

Zac- The deadliest. Order.

Radio- If you wish Hot Cross Bun. Order.

Zac- Send them in. Order.

Jasper- Uh, excuse me Mr... uh, Mr. Efron. I think you mean 'over'.

Zac *whips his head to Jasper and growls*- How would you know?!

Jasper- Well.... I don't mean to brag..... *smirks as examine nail*

Rebbecca- You really should paint those nails, Jazzy.

Zac- Well.... Order sounds better, reminds me of fish for someone reason, and I like fish.

Radio- Hot cross bun, the troops are on there way, shall we hurry them up?

Zac- Yes *smiles evily*...... Order.

Radio- Over and out.

Zac- *Still smiling* Over-and-out.

Esme- What are they going to do?

Alice- O.m.j....

Suddenly loud music starts playing. Helicopters can be heard.

Jacob jumps up and starts running around in circles and clings onto a curtain.

Emmett is screaming Spiderman for some reason and trying to climb up to the ceiling.

Bella ducks under her chair with Edward.

Carlisle has formed a small fort out of audience chairs.

Esme, Rebecca, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie are just staring at what is about to happen....

*********

Cliffy. Sorry.

ILY you all.

Please review.

And give a round of applause to Rebecca our big special guest, she in fact is a real person who you may remember from chapter 6, BassoonistSpex asked Jasper to marry her, well, she felt upset about Alice being angry at her so she's in my story and she thought of all her lines herself! Go beccie!

:D

Have a great day.

Ally


	8. Boom Boom Pow, need i say more?

My god, school sucks, do you know how painful it was to be stuck in that classroom knowing I was letting down my fan fiction readers by not writing. I tried writing down stuff on my arm during RE but the teacher saw me..... :R

But!!!! But!! But!!!! IT'S THE HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :3 Tones of time to write! Please enjoy....

P.S There is a scene were the nomads sing and if you know the song I am allowing you to skip slightly but during the song I describe dance moves so look out for that.

:D

Disclaimer: If I did own twilight I would make Jacob end up running off with a pixie. :D That'd be kool.

********************

Suddenly there is a huge crash as people dressed in red cheerleader outfits swing in on ropes through the windows.

Esme, Rebecca, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie jump back and duck.

The cheerleaders run over to Zac and untie him.

Suddenly Zac is free, he jumps one step to The Cullen's and a sudden spotlight appears on Zac.

Zac twirls around and has appeared to have changed to a red cheer leader outifit.

All the people jump into places and start singing.

People- Hey! Ohhhh! Play ball!

Zac- Eeeeeeooohohaa.

People- hey, hey! Hey batter, batter, hey batter, batter swing.

Zac-I got to just do my thing.

People- hey batter, batter, hey batter, batter swing!

Zac- Ssssshhhheeeahhhh. I'II show you that it's one and the same, Baseball, dancing, same game. It's easy, Step up to the plate, start swinging.

Alice- Uh, may I just point out that Zac, I don't think you sing this song, in the movie.

Rosalie- I am not sure either.

Zac ignores them and continues dancing, though, he looks bothered.

The cheerleaders start having a dance break, doing somersaults and spins. They all suddenly stp.

Zac- Hey!! What happened to our kick-ass music?

Victoria, James on her right and Laurent on her left start walking over, Victoria at the front, snapping their fingers rhythmically.

The wildcats spin around looking confused as there song has stopped and another one is starting to play.

Laurent- Gotta get that. Gotta get that. Gotta get that. Gotta geeeettt that-that-that-that-that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads-Boom Boom Boom.

Laurnet- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- boom Boom Booommm. Boom boom Booooommmm.

Laurent- Yo, I got the hit that beat the block, you can get that bass overload, I got the that rock and roll, that future flow. That digital spit next level visual shit, I got that ,Boom boom boom,  
How the beat bang Boom boom boom

They are now moving closer and the cheerleaders start backing away.

Victoria jumps forward and starts doing some swift hips swings.

Victoria- like that boom boom pow, them chicken jackin' my style, they try copy my swagger, I'm on that next shit now, I'm so three thousand and eight, You so two thousand and late  
I got that boom boom boom, that future boom boom boom, let me get it now

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Booommm.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boooommm. Boom Boom Boooommm.

Laurent - I'm on the supersonic boom, y'all hear the space shit zoom, when when I step inside the room them girls go apeshit, uh, Y'all stuck on super A-shit, They're no fast stupid a bit, I'm on that HD flat, This beat go boom boom pow

James jumps over to Victoria and they do hips swings together.

James- I'm a beast when you turn me on, into the future cybertron, harder, faster, better, stronger, sexy ladies extra longer, cuz we got the beat that bounce, we got the beat that pow, we got the beat that 808, that the boom boom in your town

Victoria does a limbo under James and does a mini dance solo.

Victoria- People in the place! If you wanna get dooownn! Put your hhhaaaaaaaanndds in the air! Aro, yeah, drop the beat now.

All start doing flips and somersaults on the walls now. The wildcats stare blankly shocked.

The cullen's are too. Emmett has stopped pretending to be Spiderman and is watching the interesting performance.

James- I be rocking the beats!

Laurent- Yo Yo Yo!

James- I'll be rockin in beats!

Laurent- Yah Yah Yah!

James- Hoh Hoh Hoh!!

James- Here we go, here we go, satellite radio, ya'll get hit with the

All nomads- Boom Boom!

James- Beats so big I'm stepping on leprechauns, shitin' on y'all you with the

All nomads- Boom Boom!

James- shitin' on y'all you with the

All nomads- Boom Boom!

James- shitin' on y'all you with the - This beats been bumpin' bumpin',this beat go boom boom.

Aro Jumps up and grabs a microphone Zac Efron was holding.

Aro- Let the beat rock. Le-le-le-le-le let the beat rock. Let the beat rock.

James- This beats been bumpin, this beat go boom boom.

James, Victoria and Laurent start dancing a very well planned out dance with stepping and jumping.

Victoria- like that boom boom pow, them chicken jackin' my style, they try copy my swagger, I'm on that next shit now, I'm so three thousand and eight, You so two thousand and late  
I got that boom boom boom, that future boom boom boom, let me get it now

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boom.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Booommm.

Laurent- Gotta get that.

All nomads- Boom Boom Boooommm. Boom Boom Boooommm.

Aro- Let the beat rock.

Victoria- let the beata rock.

Aro- Let the beat rock.

Victoria- Let the beata

Aro- Let the beat rock.

Victoria- let the beata rock.

Victoria starts swinging her hips while Laurent and James do some jumps and quick moves around her.

All the Cullen's are sitting down watching the nomads blankly, their mouths slightly open.

Victoria does a back flip and a difficult gymnastic move.

Alice- Well, that just makes my swift leg movement when pitching look pathetic.

Suddenly they all jumps together and do a quick dance before jumping up and doing a matrix pose.

Then they jump down. And then the song ends..

Everyone is completely silent. All that can be heard is the click of Victoria's heels as she walks over to her phone on the ground, picks it up and snaps it close.

Aro pulls back the microphone from his face, his mouth hanging open.

Aro- Whoa, you guys are so snazzalicious.

The nomads start heading for the door.

James- Well, since you guys have run out of biscuits and tea, we're leaving.

Aro- Wait!!

They all turn around.

Aro- Were doing a production on wicked. We need some leading rolls.

Alice- Wicked?

Jasper- Cool, hey, can I be the tiger?

Rosalie- You mean lion.

Edward- Hey I should be the lion. I am the sick masochistic lion. Remember?

Jasper- Uh... no.

Rebecca- Yeah, and Bella's the cute little lamb - ugh. Short relationship much? Lions EAT lambs!

Edward- Well, you can be the turtle.

Rebecca- Are you calling me fat and green Mr Cullen?! You will die... *mutters to herself* No where did I put those matches?

Aro- yes Wicked! I am directing it. And Marcus is producing it and Caius is the conductor. We need some lead rolls. Jane wanted to be the green witch but she is a bit young, don't ya'll think?

It all goes silent.....again.

Zac- Umm.. Excuse me, why are you offering parts to them, we are the ones with the talents. (he says in a posh, girly voice)

Aro- You know Zac, I think you are right.

Zac- Really?

Aro- Yes, you can be rope boy. And you, with the fluffy hair.

Jasper- who me?

Aro- No, him.

Points to a boy with very fluffy dark hair.

Jasper glares darkly at him.

Rebecca- *hums in head* Baa baa black sheep... *says* Blonde is so much better on bouys, don't ya think? Anyway, carry on...

Fluffy haired boy- Me?

Aro- Yes you, what's you name?

Fluffy haired boy- Uh... Corbin

Aro- Well, I have a job for you, how bout' water boy?

Corbin- Uh, okay....

Alice- We are never going to get this interview done, will we?

Jasper- Well you should know Alice.

Carlisle- Hold it! Hold it! What I don't understand is why the freaking leprechaun is pooping everywhere!

***********

There you have it!

And yet another big clap for Rebecca! (Hands over virtual flowers) Congrats on another chapter!

And please review! If you love Jazzy review!

Ally

xoxo


	9. i have never and jassy has pj's

YAYAYA!!! :D

Disclaimer: I do own twilight...... JK!

Eh? Eh? Took me one day to upload next chapter cause yeah.... but you guys need to review, don't just like add it to fav stories, review! Review!

*************

Alice- And he leaves!

Alice smacks her forehead.

Emmett- Can't we just go home?

Carlisle- No, we signed that contract, we can't leave until all questions are answered. And it seems like they're not.

Emmett groans and goes to Esme.

Emmett *whispers*- Esme, I'll miss Bold and The beautiful.

Esme- It's okay Emmett, I saw Edward putting in a tape and recording it for the show before we left.

Esme walks away.

Emmett- Really?

Rosalie- Aro, just ditched us!

Rebecca- Could this day get any better?

Jasper- Yeah, but the important thing is he took Zac Efron.

James- Important? You mean bad.

Alice just notices James sitting next to her.

Alice- James, why didn't you go with Laurent and Victoria back to Volterra with them, you were invited for the performance too, you were going to play the scarecrow.

James- Yes....but, I have a problem with performing. I'm...uh....-

Emmett- GAY?!!!!

James- No, I suffer from stage fright.

Emmett *slumps back in chair disappointed*- Oh.

Rebecca- Don't worry Emmett, I'm sure you'll find you're match someday.

Suddenly the door creaks open.

All the Cullen's, James, Bella and Jacob look up.

Mary in a nice, sparkly, slim, knee-length dress. She pokes her head out from the door.

Her hair was nicely curvy, unlike it's frustrated, messy mound it was before.

Mary- Jake, can I speak to you?

Emmett ooh's like they do in classroom's when a student is asked to speak to their teacher.... privately.

Jacob gives Emmett a threatening gesture before he goes outside.

Alice-What do you thinks wrong?

Jasper- Maybe she's breaking up with him.

James- Maybe she ran out of biscuits.

Alice- Maybe she wants tips on hair conditioning.

Rebecca- What does Jacob know about hair care? He can't even cut it himself!

After a long boring minute Rosalie coos- Boring.

Rebecca gets up and heads for the door, she quickly goes out and goes off to who knows where.

Jasper- Beccie?

Esme- It's getting dark.

Carlisle- We can't leave, I signed the contract so were promising to stay here until the question have all been asked. Well, if we leave, we could get fined, or jailed.

Jasper- Why did you sign it? What's the point of this?

Carlisle- Because, our family has become out of control lately, and I knew bonding would be the best. The idea of this was to sit together and talk like a REAL family.

Esme- And it's going well.

Rosalie- Going well?

Rosalie snapped.

Rosalie- We have to stay here all night because of you, and we can't leave until we finish some stupid questions? What is this? CSI? What are we suppose to do in here, there's a hole in the wall, chairs everywhere, some wrapper over there and a Charlie swan jacket over there.

Everyone turns and Bella gasps.

Bella- Charlie!

Bella jumps up and sprints to the black jacket lying on the floor and picks it up.

She sniffles at it teary eyed 'Oh charlie'

Edward runs up to her.

Edward- Bella, Charlie loved you, very much.

Bella bursts into tears and Edward clutches her tightly.

_Bella and Charlie house, right now_

'Bella! Where's my dinner?' Charlie sits at the table holding his knife and fork waiting impatiently.

'Listen, Bells, is this about the shaving thing?' He calls up the bedroom which is in fact empty.

'It is very normal, I couldn't find mine and I had an investigation, I couldn't leave with hairy legs, what if we went swimming?'

_Back to the empty, dark studio_

Bella- He was such a Brave Man!

She blows her nose into the jacket.

Edward- There, there love.

Bella wails loudly.

All the others, sitting in the circle nod sympathetically.

Jasper- You know, I never knew my father.

He starts to wipe his cheek as his bottom lip trembles.

James- Me either. The only thing he left was this hair tie.

He yanks at the one holding his ponytail.

Jasper- I have nothing of him. I miss him so much!

Jasper breaks into dry sobs.

James- Me too!

James cries loudly and huddles together with Jasper.

Emmett- Me neither! All I know is his name was Larry!

He joins the group and starts to cry.

Emmett- Well, that's what Rose told me.

He says between sobs.

Rosalie rolls her eyes.

Alice- I miss my sister.

She stars to whimper and buries her head in her hands.

Carlisle- I miss my Dog, Shelly!!!

He cries and snuggles into Esme.

Jasper cries even louder as the sadness has increased.

The door opens. Jacob seeing them all cry and wail, he looks at them all weirdly and he quickly closes the door.

A shuffle behind the curtain erupts and Rebecca appears.

Rebecca- Ow. That curtain is a health risk, people/vampires/dogs!

James- You bought biscuits!

Esme- Dear, is that pillows?

Rebecca- Oh yeah... surprise? I thought we could have a slumber party because some of us need to sleep, you know!

Jasper- Beccie!!

Jasper dries his not-really-there tears and runs toward Rebecca, hugging her tightly.

Rebecca- Ahh, a dream come true... Shame he's squashing me really. *looks at the clothes in her arms* Um Jasper? Why do you have Edward Cullen pyjamas?

Jasper- You bought my pyjamas.

Bella- Jasper,

Bella turns to him, her face swelled up and red.

Bella- You don't have pyjamas, you don't sleep.

Bella sniffles.

Jasper-I do, sometimes me and Alice have slumber parties, were we play twister, truth or dare and spin the bottle, but there's a catch, we don't sleep.

Bella- Cool!

Rebecca is also holding marshmallows, chocolate milk, everything for a sleepover.

Rosalie- So, where staying here, all night?

Rebecca- Yep!

Rosalie- Great.

Rosalie slumps angrily in her chair.

After 10 minutes the cullen's, Bella and James are dressed in there PJ's. Edward has started a small fire in the middle of their circle and Bella, Jasper and Alice are cooking marshmallows.

Alice- Done! Here yah go Bella!

Jasper- Alice! It's not even cooked, a little longer!

James's pyjamas- Rebecca had to buy- have penguins on them.

Jasper's has elmo on them smiling happily.

Alice is wearing a frilly, baby blue nightie.

Rosalie is wearing a silky pink outfit with flowers patters stitched in them.

Carlisle is wearing a blue nightgown.

Esme a woolly jacket over her purple pj pants.

Rebecca is wearing bright pink silk pj's with white polka dots, even though she  
hates pink with a vengeance.

Bella (miserably clutching her 'dead' father's jacket) is wearing a thick, fluffy purple night gown wrapped around her while huddled with Edward who is wearing a stripy shirt and pants with 'B1' printed on the left chest and a night hat, he is clearly not happy about it.

Emmett is wearing a identical outfit as Edward with the same hat but 'B2' instead of 'B1' printed on the chest and pink bunny slippers, he IS happy about it.

Jacob had returned and had sworn to not say anything that Mary had said. He was wearing his Scooby doo shirt and pants.

Edward- Guys, I'm not sure if we were suppose to watch that David Bowie movie, I mean, he looks like a girl.

Emmett- Hey, Shut up! David Bowie is my favourite singer, I mean why would you say that?

Jasper- I'll tell you why Emmett, because he is weird, looks like a girl and WEARS TIGHTS! Oh la la.

Alice- Oh Jasper, please say that one more time, you make my heart pound.

Jacob- GASP!!! Chocolate!!

Jacob reaches down to the ground and picks up a brown piece and puts it in his mouth.

Jacob- Oh no.

Alice- Hey guys, yesterday, I found this mysterious magical stone on the ground in the park.

Alice pulls out a white shaped object.

Jasper- Uh, Alice. That's a golf ball.

Alice quickly puts away.

Emmett- I'm bored!

Emmett suddenly breaks the current random conversation.

Alice- Ooh! Me and Jasper had some great Slumber party games!!!!

Jasper smiled widely.

Alice- We have this new one called "I have never." Okay, say everyone has 10 marshmallows each.

She places ten marshmallows in front of everyone.

Alice- Now, let's say I say "I have never tried to moonwalk, everyone who has, has to give me a marshmallow.

Rebecca, Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle, Jasper, Jacob and Bella hand Alice a marshmallow.

Alice- Cool! We'll go in a circle so now it's James' turn.

James- Okay, I have never played pacheesi.

Esme, Jacob and Edward hand James a marshmallow.

Jasper is next.

Jasper- I have never watched a whole game of Soccer, or Basketball... but I have of Baseball and football.

Everyone gives Bella a marshmallow.

Emmett was next.

Emmett- Okay!! I have never, ever, in my whole life not worn the same pair of undies in less than three days.

Rosalie gasps and backs away.

Jacob and James give Emmett a marshmallow.

Alice- Eww!!!

She squeals and jumps from her seat giving James and Jacob nasty looks.

Rebecca is next.

Rebecca- I have never... used a hairbrush.

Alice, Bella, Jasper, Rosalie, Esme, Edward, Carlisle and Jacob give Rebecca a marshmallow.

Rebecca- I use a comb!

Jacob- I don't.

Alice- EW....

Next was Edward's turn.

Edward- I have never watched an episode of OC.

No one gives Edward a marshmallow.

Alice stares at James.

Next was Bella's turn.

Emmett whispers to James- This is gonna be good.

Bella- Uh, I have never had sex.

Rosalie- Obviously.

It kinda goes quiet.

Alice- Wait, what about breaking dawn?

xAllyCullenx from out of nowhere- That doesn't come around yet!

Alice- Oh okay.

No one passes Bella a marshmallow.

Bella notices Jacob.

Bella- Jake? You've had.....??

Jake- Yep.

Edward- Bad thoughts, bad thoughts.....

Esme- Did you use protection???

Jake- Men don't use protection. *He flexes his muscles*

Bella has gone pailer.

Rebecca- Umm... technically, Jake, you're not a man. Dawg.

Alice- Oh my Jasper.

Esme- She could be pregnant!

Jacob- Exactly, that's what she came to tell me.

He folds his arms and smiles proudly.

It has gone yet again, completely quiet.

Bella whispers- Oh my god.

...............

...................

.....................

(Awkward)

...............

Emmett- Wooo!!!! Tammy's up the duff! PAR-TAY!!!!!!!

***************

Did you expect that?

Eh? EH??

Yeah, well. Review!

Thanks! :DDD


	10. Mysterious man and bella isn't Tristan!

Emmett- Why does love always feel like a battlefield? A Battlefield! A Battlefield!!!!

He starts dancing quickly- with his hands up in the air- around his chair.

Jasper- Breathe deep, Breathe deep, too much, Pressureee!!!!

Alice- Jasper relax, Bella just isn't feeling well.

Bella is clutching Charlie's jacket still and has gone a shade of green.

Bella starts to feel a little better.

Bella- Thanks jasper.

Jasper looking stressed- No worries.

Rosalie pacing angrily around the room.

Rosalie- Can someone ask a question?? I know, I'll be host.

Jacob- No, I have to be responsible now I will be a father soon. I'll do it.

Bella looks sick again.

Carlisle- No, I think it's best if it's me.

Emmett- MMMMMEEEEEE!!!!!!

James- Zac Efron!!!

Bella sounding unwell and tired- What about Edward?

Jasper- Hey, where's Rebecca?

Esme- What about Sienna, it is her show, were is she Jacob?

Jasper- Rebbeca??!!! Beccie??!

Everyone starts yelling suggestions when suddenly Alice can't take it no longer.

Alice- STTTOOOPPP!!!!

Everyone stops.

Jasper- Michael Jackson!!!!!!!

Alice sighs.

Alice- I rang the channel operator and they said they'd send someone.

Jasper- Say what now?

Emmett- Who?

Suddenly the door creaks open. A dark mysterious yet very handsome shaped figure stands at the door.

Dark mysterious yet very handsome shaped figure- Uh, is this the Interview show I was asked to host.

Carlisle- The very one!

The figure steps into the light of the fire filling the room and Everyone gasps.

Emmett- No freaking way.

Edward stands up leaving Bella to fall off his lap and thump on the floor.

Edward- Robert Pattinson???!!!

Dark mysterious yet very handsome shaped figure- Yes.

He takes a seat between James and Alice.

Everyone looks from Rob to Edward.

Emmett- Me see BIG resemblance.

Jasper- No Edwards eyes are closer together.

Emmett- Yeah, and Edward's hair is like a shark fin, this guy's just flops everyhere.

Rob- Yet, they love it.

Bella- Edward's cuter....

Rob's eyes widen at Bella on the floor.

Rob- KRISTEN?!!!

Bella- Uh, Bella...

Rob- Kristen, my dear, I thought you were in L.A?

He runs to Bella and picks her up, brushing her off.

Edward glares angrily.

Bella- Uh, my name is Bella.

Rob- rehearsing for eclipse I see? And you must be my stunt double.

He walks to Edward and shakes his hand.

Rob- My gosh, why is you hand so cold?

Edward sighs and says sarcastically- I forgot my mittens.

Rob- Use mine.

Robert digs in his pocket and pulls out fluoro green woollen mittens.

Edward takes them- Thanks.....

Rob- Now Kristen, sit with me my sweet.... Um, I mean.... my fellow co-worker.

Bella follows Rob and he pats the other half of his seat.

Rob- I'm sure it can fit two.

Edward stares furiously.

Bella- it's Bella not Kristen and I have no idea of what you mean by 'co-worker.'

Rob- Kristen, are you cold, you can snuggle with me.

He wraps and arm around her.

Bella- uh...

Rob- So Ashley, is it true you're dating Chace Crawford?

Rosalie- ALICE you're dating CHACE CRAWFORD?!!!

Jasper looks suddenly alert.

Alice- NO! Although it would be nice.....

Jasper- What????

Alice- No jasper! I am not, I love you!!!!

She runs to him and hugs him tightly.

Rob- Let's get started shall we Kristen, woops, I mean Bella. *winks flirtatiously*

(AN: Wish I was Bella right now!)

Edward looks like he's about to explode and mutters angrily under his breathe.

Rob- Now....Cue cards! Cool. Ahem... Welcome... wait, let's change the theme song.

******

(Man in the mirror by Michael Jackson)

'_I'm starting with the man in the mirror! I'm asking him to change his ways! And No message could make anything any clearer, if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make a change._

_Na, na, naa, na, na, na, naa, na, naaaaaa'_

_(_Music Fades To A Close_)_

Rob P- Hey everyone!! Welcome to the interview of the century. And I am your host for tonight, Spunk Ransom!

Paul, who Jacob brought in, is filming the show with the cameras. And Sam is camera man two. And Leah is sound director.

Rob P- Tonight we have an exciting show installed for you. Shall we start with question 1?

Everyone looking angry, upset and warned out, they grunt uninterested.

Rob P- Yay! Question one!!!!!!!!

Rob P- Oooo!!! Alice and Rose, we have one only for you to answer!

How can I get this boy to notice me?

Alice- Hmmm.... Well, I have been through something similar.

Rosalie nods.

Alice- You need to be you, forget the make-up, the hair doesn't matter. Wearing all this jewellery and-

Rosalie- Plastic S***.

Alice- Um, thanks rose. If he only is interested when you look like a total-

Rosalie- Skank.

Alice- Uh.... anyway, if he is only interested in you because the things you wear, the way you do your hair, the eyeliner you use, then he is not good for you. Who wants to live a lie there whole life anyway? So, you need to be you, not something else and if he sees the you on the inside you then are in luck with a happy romance. I know that these days those type of men are hard to find.

Rosalie- Yeah! They straighten their hair these days! And how tight are they're fricken "500 dollar jeans" guys, are totally f**ked up these days.

Alice- Umm... Rose, think before we speak, remember?

Rosalie- Yep, sure.

Alice- As I was saying, I know they're hard to find, but there is always someone out there and one will come along eventually.

Rosalie- yeah, if this guy you speak of, if he likes you for who you are then go for it, otherwise forget him. Sure they're cute but.....they end up breaking you heart.

Alice pats Rosalie's shoulder- If he's nice, funny, respects you, and also knows what 2+2 equals, introduce yourself, that is if he doesn't know you, and take it slow, tell him about yourself and show him your true qualities, and soon he'll be yours for sure.

Bella- Wow Alice, that was amazing. You too rose.

Alice-Thankyou.

Rose- Thanks.

Rob P- I agree with Kristen, that was really spectacular.

Jasper- Yeah.

Emmett- Tottaly, what about it king bob?

King bob (Eh, Emmett doing a very bad impression of himself...don't ask)- It was amazing Rosalie, it was so good I think you could be the president.

Rosalie- Really?

Shoutout from XoTentenXgurlXo101 *who runs on the stage (what's left of it) and screams-Jacob! NO I LOVE YOU TOO! I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH YOU EVERY DAY MORE AND MORE  
DON'T I HATE YOU EDWARD I LOVE YOU JACOB! PLEASE NOO MY DREAMS WILL BE CRUSHED IF SHE MARRIES YOU! no offince mary...(Got your name right) I'M TEAM JACOB I'M JUST LIKE BELLA I MEAN I'M CLUMSY AND STUBBORN!! I LOVE YOU!

Edward- Jasper, I thought you closed the door.

Rob P- Lookie! Audience! Cooee!

Jacob- Ya! Team Jake! That's me! (Stands up and waves hands in air)

Rosalie- Sit dog, your embarrassing your country.

Rob P- Okay, next question eh?

Emmett- Ya! You could be so much better than Tom Cruise at being president!

Esme- Uh...Emmett.

Jasper- Let it go.

What do you think is your couple theme song?

Edward- Well, me and BELLA'S would be obviously the lullaby I WROTE for her. And also, I have always thought Clair de lune, Also here with me by Dido, Amazing by lonestar and I don't want to miss a thing by Aerosmith would be good.

Bella- Yeah, and afterglow by INXS, white horses by the Sundays and wherever you will go by the calling.

Shout out from TEAMJakeward101- Taylor Lautner is soo hot! *drool*

Emmett- That's it I am closing the door!

Shout out from twilightflavouredMM's- Jasper! Will you run away with me?!

Emmett gets up and slams the door.

Emmett- Humph.

Alice (back on question)- You guys got all the good ones!

Rob- Kristen.... You-y-y-you.... you and my stunt double??

Rob's chin starts to tremble. (OMG! I want to give him a big hug now!)

Bella- What? Listen, I am not Tristan or whoever you're talking about, my name is Bella and this is Edward Cullen my boyfriend.

Rob- but Kristen, I always thought there was something between us.....

Bella- Oh, Rob. Please don't cry.

Robert shakes her off and heads for the door.

Edward- NOOO!!!

Edward jumps and lands on the floor, he grabs onto Robert Pattinson's ankle (AN: Wish I was Edward right now)

Edward- You can't leave, with you being my hero and all.

Robert- Really? I'm your hero? I always thought no one liked me.

(AN: Ome! Total lie! Oh sorry, I'll stop butting in)

Edward- No, did you see those girls at the premier of twilight? Why did you think they were screaming?

Rob- Well, there was this bee I think I saw flying around; maybe they were scared of it.

Edward- Uh, no, it's because they love you.

Rob- Love me, really?

Rob has turned around and headed back to the circle of chairs leaving Edward on the ground.

Bella- yep, we all love you.

She shrugs.

Jasper smiles.

Emmett- Group hug!

They all get up and form a big, warm, hug around Rob who is chuckling happily.

Edward (on the floor)- Rob, i think you're phones ringing.

Rob- Really?

The hug has broken and Rob pulls out his phone.

Hollaback girl by Gwen Stefani is coming from the phone.

Jasper- What is a hollaback girl anyway.

Emmett- That's our new life mission buddy, to find out what a hollaback girl is.

Rosalie- A girl that is willing to be treated like a doormat or booty call. She is a girl that will allow

guys to do whatever they want with her and will just wait for them to 'holla back' at them.

Emmett- Well, life mission completed.

Rob- It's Kristen! But aren't you Kristen?

Bella- No, we are the Cullen's and I'm Bella and this is Jacob.

Rob- But, there characters from twilight.

Bella- well, then we are the real ones.

Rob- Really?

Alice nods.

Rob- Wow.

Rob walks away and answers the call.

Rob- Hey K. Oh.....yeah...... well, turn left...... cat?.....well, watch out for it!......yeah, turn left....no parking spots? Where are you?.....

Rob walks to the window and looks out.

A look of horror has crossed his face.

Alice- GET BELLA OUT OF HERE!!!!!!

And out the window is a sleek blue car heading straight for the studio. Ready to crash into it.

************

Yay!!

Thankyou to our shout outers and my little sister who helped with some of the random bits and insisted I put them in here.

Ily all!

Ally

xoxo


	11. We don't need to see Aro's hairy legs

In the next three seconds 4 things happened.

Edward grabbed Bella and jumped into the air.

Jacob turned into a wolf and leaped up to the ceiling.

Robert Pattinson disappeared.

Someone burst through the window.

A huge crash burst through the wall. A loud smash filled the room.

As the dust cloud cleared Esme gasped.

Robert Pattinson was lying on the ground, twitching. He hadn't been hit because there was no blood. Esme ran to his side.

Esme- I believe he fainted from shock.

She pulled up one of his eye lids.

She suddenly realized everyone was gone.

Someone coughed.

Esme looked up to see Edward clutching on to Bella, clinging on to the ceiling. Edward was glaring at something else.

Jacob, in his wolf form was hanging upside down from the ceiling.

Bella- Jake?

Wolf Jacob- Woof.

Paul, Sam and Leah join Jacob, all in their wolf forms.

Paul- Woof, woof, woof.

Sam- Woof.

Leah- Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

Jacob- Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof-woof, woof, woof, woof-woof.

Leah, Sam and Paul leave, walking across the ceiling and do a back flip out the window.

Emmett- What was that all about?

Emmett emerges from the curtains brushing himself off, Rebecca behind him.

Rebecca- Umm... What's going on?

Emmett- Learner Driver.

Rebecca- Ohh! (Pause) That explains alot.

Alice and Jasper come out from behind office chair.

Jasper- Wow.

Jasper notices Rebecca.

Jasper- Beccie!!!!!!

He sprints to her and picks her up in a warm hug.

Rebecca- Hey, how come you're warm all of a sudden? Oh well, at least you're hugging me *smiles happily*

Carlisle comes out from underneath Charlie's jacket. He tosses it and it lands on Jasper's head.

Jasper- Hey!

Alice- Hold on Jas! It's stuck in your spirals.

Jasper- There luscious curls Alice.

Alice sighs- Whatever.

Rebecca- I'm with Jasper - my hairs probably curlier than his! But his is much cuter.

Rosalie- Well, that was unusual.

Edward leaps down from the ceiling and lands on the roof of the cool car. Jacob looses his paws that make sticky noises and his feet plop and he falls off the ceiling and lands on the ground.

Mary- Jake!

Mary comes out of nowhere and hugs Jacob.

Bella- Maggie?

Mary- I came out of the window!

Akward silence.

Jacob- Ow.

Mary pulls Jacob from the hole he made when he fell and hugs him again.

Mary- Jacob, I have a answer about your proposal.

Jacob- And?

Mary- Well, you're the only one who actually gets my name right.

Carlisle- uh, well, if you don't mind, I was getting it right Kate.

Mary- Right, anyway. Yes, I will marry you!

Jacob- Woah....

Jasper- Holy mother of Aro.

Kristen Stewart- Hey!

Kristen Stewart, in her black Joan Jett hair comes out of the car.

She is wearing a nice, but tight Blue seqined dress.

Bella- Woah.

Kristen- Hey Nik, help me get Rob in the boot.

Rosalie- Hello, do I look like a nik to you.

Kristen- Yep, now help me.

Rosalie- Nope.

Kristen- What's wrong?

Kristen notices Edward and Bella on her car.

Kristen- Stunt doubles, please don't scratch the car, I just got it waxed.

Jasper- Uh...

Kristen notices the badly damaged, smoking car.

Kristen- It's okay.

A muffled scream comes from the boot.

Emmett- What was that?

Kristen- Nothing.

She ran to Rob's side.

Kristen- C'mon Rob! Get in.

Jasper- I believe he is unconscious.

Kristen- Shut up!

Emmett whispers to Jasper- Who is this bitch?

Rebecca- You REALLY don't wanna know!

Kristen- I HEARD THAT!

Rob- Kristen....Kristen....

Kristen- Robert! You're awake!

Rob- Yeasha.

Kristen- Time to go!

Kristen grabs Robert's legs and drags him to the trunk.

Carlisle- Halt! I think that man needs attending to!

Kristen- No he doesn't, he's fine.

Carlisle runs to Kristen who's about to open the trunk.

Kristen- Don't comes any closer! I am warning you!

Carlisle- Please, calm down!

Rob- K, what's going on?

Kristen- Shoosh Rob, everything will be okay.

She laughs insanely as her eye twitches.

Carlisle notices something about her.

Carlisle- Wait, your eyes, they just flashed red.

Kristen- It's the fluorescents.

Carlisle- Your hair, it's growing longer!

Kristen quickly covered her face; she shoved Robert Pattinson in the boot. Kristen hurried for the driver's seat.

Carlisle ran at vampire speed to Kristen and grabbed her hand.

Kristen looked up. Everyone gasped, horrified.

Her nose was changing, her eyes were changing, and her whole body was changing.

Carlisle stepped back.

Kristen fell to the ground and hid her face.

Carlisle stepped forward but Kristen snarled and leaped forward, but it wasn't Kristen......

The room was very dark, since the lights were busted and it was night time and all.

Esme- Kristen.

Carlisle- Stop sweet-heart. It's not Kristen... it's...it's.....

Kristen looked up and smiled. And they were right, it wasn't Kristen.

It was Aro.

Aro sudden mood changed and he was suddenly his bright enthusiastic self.

Aro- Drat! Snape's polo juice potion ran out!

Edward- What?

Aro- nothing.

There was an awkward silence.

Bella realizes Aro tight dress and can clearly see his hairy legs. She cringes.

Aro- So....uh, how you been all going. Hey, I got to get going. Ya'll be nice now!

Jasper- Get him!

All the Cullen's leapt on the squealing Aro.

Jasper and Emmett pulled him up to the wall. Aro snapped madly at them, straining his neck to bite them.

Carlisle raced to the car and opened the boot.

He gasped.

In the boot was Kristen Stewart tied up, Robert Pattinson and someone else underneath.

Zac Efron- Wow! Thanks! It was getting stuffy in there.

......

.........

(Another quite moment)

........

.........

Jacob- Hey! Look at the time, come along Mary, we have wedding plans to get cracking on!

Jasper- Where were you Bec?

Rebecca- Getting this.

And in Rebecca's hand was in fact a green can of bug's spray.

Rosalie- Pft. Bug spray?

Alice- Wait, that is not just bug spray. It's.....

Jasper- (reads label) "A time travelling device."

Carlisle- GASP!!!

Edward- It will help us....

Bella- What?

Aro- Yeah, what?

All- What?!

Edward- Stop the show from starting.

(Out of nowhere) Dramatic sound effects- Da-da-DUUUMMM!!!!!

Aro- Wait, why does it look like a can of bug spray?

Rebecca- Umm.... I don't really know.


	12. Important Author Note

Dear fellow readers

I get it, I am a lousy author and should be thrown off a cliff.

I am sorry and I have once again broken my promise since I haven't updated in more than a month, in all my stories.

I get it, its low! And I have excuses but I don't see the point. Lots of others work their bums off just to make their subscribers happy even though they have stacks of homework and a test the next day.

I have even considered just stopping and get my account purposely deleted but I know that I will eventually think of story ideas, which I am, good ones too but it's driving me insane since I am debating with myself wether i should get my first stories done or just go ahead and dig myself a bigger hole.

I have decided to get these stories finished once and for all!!!

But I just want to note that I will begin uploading again in a week (that's when school finishes)

Ciao, I will see you then

Sorry for any inconvenience

Ally C

xoxo


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